Revisions

1. Proof-reading                                                                                2. Electronic Checks

Spelling                                                                                               Spelling

Punctuation                                                                                         Punctuation

Grammar                                                                                            Grammar

Clarity of expression                                                                          Thesaurus

Structure of content

Evidence of this needs to be print screened with a written commentary of how it has been improved

Changes that have been made to improve the presentation have been underlined and identified in the print screened images.

Slide 3

On Slide 3 I have improved the quality of writing by changing the words used for more formal grammar such as using furthermore instead of also. I have also erased unnecessary extra words. For example getting rid of "of abuse." where it is not needed in the text. As well as "hard to acknowledge victims of this." has been deleted and changed to "and might be difficult to acknowledge.". The reason for this is that it makes more sense when reading it rather than the previous text.

Slide 4

The first change that I made to this slide is getting rid of the unnecessary comma between "wife" and "although" as there is no need for a pause before continuing. Using proof-reading I realised that "losses" was spelt incorrectly and was in fact meant to be looses. Another unnecessary comma was erased from the next paragraph between "Ultimately" and "I". I also replaced both words "to" and "may" within this paragraph as "towards" and "might". Doing this makes the sentences clearer and make more sense.

Slide 5

There were quite a few changes that I made to Slide 5. The first was including the fathers name in the first sentence so that the audience can gather a clear understanding of the abusers identification.